Drunk Cricket Post

Disclaimer : This post was done in an extremely drunk state (the lack of spelling errors is completely thanks to the spell checker) and thus may contain factual errors.

Today is Happy Friday. I don't think I need to explain why a Friday should be named 'happy'. So, today is the Happy Friday and after making myself a delicious dinner I went a step further and made myself a Martini cocktail (with some Grey Goose Vodka and Olives) and sat down to watch the highlights of the first Test between Sri Lanka and England at Galle. Which is pure bliss.

You see, living in Japan is very bad news if you are a Test cricket fan and if the Test matches you are interested in happens to be in the subcontinent. Because that means you get to see live only the third session after coming home from work, and that is if you are lucky enough to be able to leave work at 6 p.m. I was indeed lucky enough to be able to do that, but still being the ultimate Test cricket fan that I am, being able to see only the third session live is just not enough. So, if I can't catch the live action, I must at least see the full highlights when I can, and what better to do on a 'Happy Friday' evening than to catch up with some Test cricket action (especially if it happens to be a match that Sri Lanka won) while sipping a perfect Martini.

So then let me get into the cricket a bit. And that inevitably means talking about a certain off-spinner though it's been a while since he decided to call it quits. Yes you guessed it right, I am talking about Murali the Great. A lot has been said about how we, Sri Lanka, was unable to be a force in Test cricket since the retirement of Murali, but in my opinion that is just stating the obvious. That man is without a shadow of a doubt is one of the greatest bowlers in the 130-ish year long history of Test cricket, and his absence won't go unnoticed even if he happened to be a member of Bradman's invincibles, the mighty Windies of the 70s or Steve Waugh's awesome Aussies of recent years. So what chance does Sri Lanka, merely an okay Test team, stand once he retire? Obviously we were going to suck at Test cricket for a while.

Which is why this victory makes so much more invaluable. While I am a great fan of Murali (and having had the privilege of seeing him doing great things even before he played for Sri Lanka) I still think it was the right decision for him to quit cricket, and that we must move forward without him. Great players come and go, but the game remains as great as ever, and we must face that reality. So, when Rangana Herath, a mere mortal compared to Murali,  take 12 wickets in one match and win us a match it only made my happy, not just happy, but like more happy than to see Murali doing it. That sounds almost like a contradiction, but it's not. It's a given that Murali is a genius,  but the point is that it's easy for a genius to win us a match than for a mere mortal. And that makes me happy because, well, cricket must move on even when the greats of the game says goodbye, and from the looks of it, it does. So getting back to the match, it was solid as steel performance from Herath, and it makes me even more happier that he was only a part of the whole story. It was more like a true team performance. In the first innings it was all about Mahela; when he scored his 100 it was brilliant, but his last 80 runs which he practically added with the last two wickets was stuff of the legend. I rate this innings by Mahela as one of his best along with his 100 at Lords, or his first 100 at Galle where nobody else got a fifty, or his fourth innings 100 versus Saffers where we chased down a mammoth 350 (which to date remains the 6th highest successful run chase ever in Test cricket (this, as I stated in the disclaimer at the start of the post, could be wrong) if I am not mistaken) where he was simply brilliant. And equally is important the sixty odd runs the other Jayawardene, namely Prasanna, added in the second innings. In truth, while Herath took 12 wickets in the match there is not a single performance you can single out as the most crucial. I think it's bollocks that people who give away Man of the Match awards think that they have to give them away to only one man per match. How can you decide between MJ's 180, PJ's 60 or Herath's 12 wickets? I can't. Maybe they should start giving away the 'Man of the Match' award to more than one players.

Anyway, (by now, I have completely forgotten the start of this post, so I'm going to conclude it the way I want without bothering to read it twice) what I wanted to say is that I'm so fucking happy that we are able to win Test matches without Murali. I love the man to bits, but still we need to move on, and what better way to do that than by winning Test matches, especially against the number one ranked Test team in the world though the said rankings are often meaningless.

Well done guys, I guess.

Sydney here I come!

I most definitely am not talking about a girl named Sydney and going to her. I will actually be going to Sydney, the Aussie city tomorrow though it'll be the Boxing Day when I actually arrive there. Which means twenty or so hours of on-the-road which isn't exactly the correct term but you know what I mean. Though I love travelling flying is the most disliked part of it. Even though it's unavoidable. I really do wish we had Harry Potter style disapparate and apparate technology. However it's a small price to pay compared to the awesomeness of travelling, so no complaints really. Just bitching.

I've not made very many specific plans though. Except the Australia vs India Sydney Test on 3rd January. Someone I know rolled her eyes complete 360 degrees hearing that I'll be going to a cricket match and sit there for 8 hours on my vacation. But she's such a cricket tragic what else can you expect? Anyway, this is one golden opportunity for me to see the legends of the game like Ponting, Sachin, Dravid and VVS probably for the last time. Not gonna miss it. I do wish Ponting would score a 100 there. Would be an added bonus if Sachin gets out in the nineties again.

Other than that I'm planning on going whale watching though not yet sure when and where. Probably because I'm staying at my sister's place (not my own, but probably better than my own if I had one) so guess I'm trusting her and her hubby to take me around. The only other fixed item in the list is the fireworks on new year's eve at Sydney Harbor. In between I guess I'll go here and there seeing stuff; probably Opera House, Harbor, some Kangaroos (hopefully eat one too) and, er, I don't know, I'll tell you when I know. I don't think I would be doing a post-a-day travel diary this time like I did for the Beijing tour, but hopefully I would get to write something of my accounts there. I don't think it would be as much adventurous as Beijing but you never know. Fingers crossed!

Okay then, later peeps!

Murali the Thief

In yet another one of his boring and meaningless articles, our articulate-with-the-bat, not-so-with-the-words ex-captain Mahela has insisted the need to play our own brand of cricket in order to achieve success in South Africa. If I got one rupee for every time I hear our cricketers talk about this so called our own brand of cricket I would be filthy rich. Only I don't and so I'm not. The point is none of them seem to understand that this phrase has become such a cliche now.

Everybody seems to talk about it but nobody seems able to do it. It's like nobody knows where to find it anymore. The only possible explanation for this is somebody stole it. Our guys were playing this our own brand of cricket so happily, world was all rosy and sweet, and then all of a sudden, BOOM! Gone. Vanished. Now they have a problem. They are nothing without it. Success is only a distant dream. But of course they can't reveal it's gone; how can you come out and say this valued treasure is gone just like that? It would be like the king going out to the public and saying "I'm sorry guys, I seem to have lost the crown." Or Pamela Anderson announcing she seems to have lost her fake boobs last night. Not gonna happen.

What would the king/Pamela do in this dire situation? He/she would probably make a fake crown/ fake fake boobs for the time being, use it/them pretending everything's fine while fanatically search for the real thing(s). This pretty much is what our poor cricketers are doing right now. They are writing an unnecessarily large amount of articles explaining the need to play our own brand of cricket while on the lookout for the real thing. Hoping, praying, they would come across it. And then they can start playing the real our own brand of cricket and attribute the current poor patch to a glitch in the matrix. Or something like that. Bottom line is somebody stole it and the poor guys are desperate now.

So I decided to get to the bottom of this shit and find out what happened.

First thing to do, re-trace the steps. Find out what went wrong, when and where. Obviously the right thing to do would be to go back to the last time we were playing this our own brand of cricket. Last significant (actually, any kind of) Test success; July 2010, against India. Last significant ODI success; reaching the World Cup final, April 2011. However those two events are some 8 months apart. While we looked like the desperate king/Pamela in Tests since July 2010 we still seemed okay in ODIs till April 2011. The only logical conclusion; we had not one but two our own brands of cricket one for each format. We lost the Test version back in July 2010, the ODI version April 2011. Now what is the other significant thing that happened in relation to our cricket on both these occasion? Of course. One off spinner called it quits in Test in 2010, and ODIs in 2011. It all fits, doesn't it? Everybody doesn't have access to king's crown/Pamela's boobs though one could argue that the latter is subject to dispute. However, chances are that only someone who's close enough can steal them. It's the same with our own brand of cricket. It's got to be somebody who had pretty good access to it. And who has better access to it than the very players who play the game with it? Dressing room is where they probably keep the our own brand of cricket and after the last time this player has access to it the our own brand of cricket vanishes. Same happens April 2011; he quits cricket, we lose our own brand of cricket. Coincidence? I think not.

I always thought that fellow was a bit dodgy but this proves it beyond doubt. Yes, yes, he pretty much raised that our own brand of cricket baby by himself, but who is he to think that he owns it? Give it back, Murali, they need it!

Pointless Post

I've never really liked Zombies. It is hard to imagine anybody would, but that's not what I meant. I never really liked stories about Zombies. Or Vampires for that matter. Crappy Hollywood movies had a lot to do with it apart from the fact that they both are ridiculous ideas to begin with. But that was till I watched The Walking Dead last year; now that changed everything. It is by the creators of Shawshank Redemption which is the only thing that prompted me to watch it after a friend recommending it and ain't I glad that I watched it. Those guys picked the tried, tested and failed theme of Zombies, gave it a whole new dimension, turned it on it's head two and a half times, gave it a face lift and the result is The Walking Dead. Simply the best TV series to come out after LOST. I don't want to go into much details, just take it from me, a huge Zombie skeptic till then, that it's brilliant stuff. They have returned for a second season last week and I am loving it.

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On other news cricket this year - that is cricket I play, not the cricket I watch - have been so disappointing. It is almost winter and we managed only two matches so far. The Tokyo earthquake and so many other things have unsettled the life here in Japan and a lot of people have other things than cricket in their minds. Pity.

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However after ridiculously poor four days of cricket, us, that is Sri Lanka, finally managed to save the Test. Don't I just love Test cricket; even a non-result can bring excitement like no other. And even after like gazillion let offs it was still a great double by Sanga, probably the greatest Test batsman to come out of Sri Lanka.

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And so tomorrow is the big final. The final of the world cup that is. Finally it looks like the Blacks will be able to set the record straight by bringing the cup home. Technically it is already home as the world cup is being played in New Zealand but you know what I mean. It'll take the brave man to bet against them but if the said brave man did bet something like a hundred bucks against them, and the Blacks choked again, then the said brave man would be a millionaire. That is how huge the odds against the French. But for the sake of game I do hope they put on their giant-killing shoes and give us a game to remember.

Angelo is back! So is The FlySlip

Test cricket is like punching babies, it's not for everyone. And the truth is that you might be able to survive punching babies but the chances are that you probably aren't going to survive Test cricket.

It's a game like no other, and the other day I saw one man battling it out the other day in the middle. A lot of people might say Mahela's innings was a brilliant knock - and it is - but Matthews gave us something equally good. But let me stop at that and let you find out why by directing you to Damith at FlySlip for he has done a far better job of it than I would ever have.

Check it out guys, and his other posts too if you never have. He knows his shit, but don't take my word for it. Go there and find out for yourself. I promise you are gonna have a great time.

A Plug and a Bit More

I just realized that 5% Vodka with bread, omelette and Marmite breakfast is just what you need to kick-start your weekend. I didn't plan it though; I got home late last night so bought a small bottle of Vodka too, thinking of having a little 'me time' but I was so tired I left the Vodka to have it's own 'me time' and fell asleep. I was so fast asleep that even several chat and phone calls have failed to wake me up, I see, to my utmost pleasure. There's something so satisfying with a good old sleep isn't it? However, that left me with an unopened and an inviting bottle of Vodka so I thought what the hell and went ahead. Trust me it's quite the right blend, just don't go for a 40% Vodka though, not at 10 in the morning anyway.

So then, to the plug. Some of my friends have put up this new web site, The Score, which is for all kinds of Sri Lankan sports. And I must say the guys are doing a quite impressive job with it. So far they have been giving continuous updates on almost all major schools rugby and cricket matches and also they've streamed a lot of matches online, something that's worth a lot specially for people like us who live abroad. I've been a rugby fan ever since I can remember, when I was back in Sri Lanka I hardly ever missed a rugby game either my school, St. Anthony's, or Kandy Sports Club played. But ever since I came here, the first match I happened to watch was a school game they streamed, so, thank you guys. I really do recommend you go check it out, it is certainly better than The Papare. Oh and I've been writing a column for them too, so check it out too. That's a shameless plug to myself.

Moving onto the 'bit more' bit of the title. It is really only a bit. You see, I've planned to go watch Pirate's of the Caribbean : On Stranger Tides this weekend, so was doing my homework and watched all three past movies. I'm dedicated like that. It goes without saying that Johnny Depp is awesome, but so is Keira, at least for me. Pity that they didn't choose her this time. She really does have the best nose since Cleopatra.

Women, The Two Types

There are two types of women; those who love cricket and those who think cricket is like baseball. Let us call the first type Women Who Love Cricket or WWLC in short henceforth. Similarly the other type would be called Women Who Think Cricket Is Like Baseball, or WWTCILB for our convenience. WWLC are outnumbered by WWTCILB at a ratio of about 1:100,000. This might not seem like very significant so let me throw in some numbers and knock the hard truth into you, and you off the chair. Our good old Paradise Island has a population of 20 million, and let us assume half of them are ladies. So then ten million women and a ratio of 1:100,000 means there are exactly 9,999,900 WWTCILB and 100 WWLC. Now get up from the floor and read on.

None of these 9,999,900 WWTCILB has ever watched a cricket match from start to end. The only times they watch a cricket match even partly are either a) when cricket matches are shown in between their favourite commercials, b) when their ignorant husbands or boyfriends drag them to the grounds or ask them to see cricket by their side in living room or c) when they want to check out James Anderson's arse, after being introduced to his arse by a WWLC or after being introduced to his arse by a WWTCILB who in turn was introduced to his arse by a WWLC, or after being introduced to his arse by a WWTCILB after being introduced to his arse by another WWTCILB who in turn was introduced to his arse by a WWLC and so on. I think you get the drift. If you are a woman, and still don't know who James Anderson is, you are a WWTCILB and might need to contact a WWLC. But I digress. These WWTCILB, just as our chosen name for them suggest, know nothing or very little about cricket. In the case they know very little, most of this little knowledge consist of many other things, such as gossip, but very little cricket. This very little cricket knowledge, however, helps them to deduce if it is a close game and in such a situation they would usually close their eyes with hands and ask their partners to inform them when the game is over, because they can't watch since it is a close game. Doesn't make sense, I know, but such are the mysterious ways of women.

Now let us turn to WWLC. Obviously, they are very hard to come by but in case you happen to come across one, well, pose for a picture with her, ask for the signature and write down even the smallest detail so you wouldn't mess it up when you retell the story to your grand kids. Yes, they are that much rare. Anyway, these women are very strange, but you knew that already. They would choose to watch a game of cricket over Praveena - that was the happening teledrama when I left Sri Lanka some years ago, but chances are it's still going on - or prefer a ticket to a game of cricket over a 24pc box of Ferrero Rocher, or, I know you wouldn't probably believe this but there are some reported cases of WWLC refusing the opportunity to go on a fully paid shopping spree because there happened to be a Test match at that time. Respect, is all I can say.

I've had the good fortune of knowing more than one WWLC, and what's more, I suspect that they are even the extreme cases. One not only talks about cricket 24/7, often she informs me of cricket news, such as the resignation of Sangakkara, before I know the news. Yes. Me. ME! Before I (unfortunately I can not capitalize the letter 'I' to emphasise the significance as I is already capital, so assume it is a bigger I) know the news. How crazy is that. Another WWLC I know visits a cricket forum every day where she is the lone woman, she often argues and even win those arguments, and also she says the first thing she does coming home after work is checking out cricket news on the web. It doesn't get better than that.

Or does it?

There is a WWTCILB I happen to know, and she is the extremist of all WWTCILB hands down. Why, you may ask. Okay, however much cricket noobs WWTCILB are, all of them know some things about cricket like the fact that Sri Lanka won the world cup in 1996. Now I'm not saying this particular WWTCILB doesn't know that, being a Sri Lankan and not knowing we won a cricket world cup would be impossible, but she doesn't know the next thing which you would assume every Sri Lankan would know. Yes, folks, she doesn't know against whom we won the world cup in 1996.

She just takes the cake.

Let us call a Jihad on ICC!

Okay, you don't have to go that far, but there are things that you can in fact do. If you are a cricket fan, you must by now know that our beloved ICC had taken a decision to exclude the associate nations from the 2015 World Cup. I'm amazed at their uncanny ability to fuck up things with every turn and twist, but this is just sad. And retarded. What will a world cup be without Kevin O'Brien or Ryan ten Doeschate? So yeah, let us do what we can do. I saw a LOT of people expressing their opinions on this FB, Twitter and other such social media, so for once let us not stop there but go a step forward. Let us write to ICC and let them know how we feel.

Please, take a moment. It will take a few more minutes than what would take you to put an FB status, so it's well worth it. Here are the things you can do.

Write to ICC at enquiry@icc-cricket.com or threaten them on their Twitter feed @cricketicc.

Or you can contact any, or better yet all, of their sponsors; Pepsi, Hyundai, Castrol, MoneyGram, Reliance and Reebok.

You can also sign this online petition, not very significant but still.

I did all these, but to make an impact we need a lot of people. More the merrier, as they say. YOU writing to them can and will make a difference, so friends, please do spend a few minutes. We all love an underdog, don't we?

Do not let the evil ICC crush the beloved minnows. Instead, let us together kill ICC!

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words

Sports is a bitch sometimes. Maybe next time, mate.

This is It!

This is it, this is the moment!

Bring it home, boys. Do us proud!

Last of the Giants

Watching Ricky Ponting yesterday was something special.

Here was a man who's leading a sorry bunch, the remnants of a once majestic dynasty if you will. It was not the usual fluent and murderous batting by Ponting; it was gritty, it was patient, it was hard work, it was stubborn and it was daring. When the wickets were falling around him he kept fighting, he kept edging his team forward, kept carrying them forward just that little bit, just that little bit needed to keep the Aussies in the game. It wasn't a very aesthetically pleasing knock, but hell it was one damn fine knock by a champion of a cricketer. A champion who rose to the occasion when all the odds were against him. It was typical of the great man to come to the party just when it mattered.

But sadly (yes, don't be surprised, I'm one of the few out there who truly admire the way Aussies play their cricket, or rather the way they used to play their cricket) it wasn't just enough. It was disheartening to see him try everything even in the field fighting a losing battle all the way. He looked a true warrior, a man who would fight to the death. He's the last of a line of Aussie giants, the last one who's left there to fight a losing battle pretty much all by himself. But even the most magnificent of heroes can't just do it alone sometimes, and he had no one to rely on yesterday. He looked a lone man out there; every single one of his team mates had let him down. Maybe it is time for him to go. For such a champion, the last thing I want Ricky to become is another Jayasuriya. He's got nothing more to achieve; 4 world cup finals and 3 titles in the bag, two as captain along with a shitload of other victories and gazillion runs, he's pretty much been there done that all.

Love him or loathe him, you can't deny the fact that the man has earned his rightful place among the true greats of the game. Goodbye Ricky, thanks for all the memories. We will miss you.

Upholding the Spirit of Cricket

Following yesterday's cricket encounter between Sri Lanka and India, SLC and BCCI, the cricket boards of the two respective countries held a joint press conference in which they addressed several issues regarding the incidents happened which seemed clear breaches of BCCI Code of Conduct.

Umpire Kumara Dharmasena was found guilty following him giving Virender Sehwag out LBW when the batsman was only 88 runs short of a well deserved 100. We find this act unsportsmanlike, and should be avoided in future games, remarked Nishantha Ranatunga the secretary of SLC. This is not the way we would like our players and officials to approach the game, hence Dharmasena will be severely penalized for his behavior. He faces a prospective ban of 4 international games, and will be likely to lose all his match fee for the Sunday's game. However, the BCCI officials confirmed to us that Dharmasena went to the Indian dressing room during the break and apologized to Sehwag, an act of showing his remorse which might come in his favor when giving the final verdict. Batsman Virender Sehwag has confirmed this on Twitter saying "He came to me apologizing, and I accepted it being the gentleman I am". Mr. Ranatunga extended his apologies to the BCCI on behalf of Dharmasena at the press conference.

Furthermore, Mr. Ranatunga stated that they have launched an investigation regarding the conduct of the selection committee of SLC which is headed by the former cricketer Aravinda de Silva. We are questioning their move to bring Thissara Perera into the Sri Lankan lineup out of nowhere, who dealt a decisive blow to India's chances of winning the game by taking a 5 wicket haul. We have appointed highly reputed investigators to find out if this was a deliberate move by Mr. De. Silva and his committee to defeat Indian and not upholding the Spirit of Cricket. If found guilty, they may face severe penalties which may include life bans on selecting anything whatsoever. We do not tolerate this kind of behavior, as plotting to win a game of cricket against India is a clear breach of BCCI Code of Conduct, said a visibly angry Ranatunga. The fate of Thissara Perera is not yet clear, but he is more than likely to face a ban of more than a year preventing him taking part in next year's world cup. Ranatunga again apologized to the BCCI regarding the matter.

An official from the BCCI stated that Asad Rauf, the Pakistani umpire who gave a horrendous decision against Yuvraj 'Water Boy' Singh has also extended his formal apologies to the BCCI and the Water Boy himself. He told us that he deeply regret the moment of insanity where he gave the accomplished Water Boy out, and will make sure would do no such thing in future. Meanwhile, a senior official at the BCCI who wished to remain unnamed informed this reporter that Mr. Rauf has also offered to give five decisions in India's favor in the next world cup if he was given the opportunity to officiate those matches. When asked what the response of the BCCI was, he replied that they have no intentions of doing things that would go against the BCCI Code of Conduct.

The SLC secretary also said that they were launching a separate investigation about the manner in which Sri Lankan openers batted in reply to India's total. They racked up 79 runs in mere 9 overs, a severe spanking of Indian bowlers which does not seem in right spirit of the game, added Mr. Ranatunga. However, they (Dilshan and Jayawardene) have sent messages to the SLC saying that they got out deliberately, and asked us to take it into consideration in giving the final verdict. Finally we have asked Kumar Sangakkara to explain himself why he denied Ishant Sharma a well deserved hat-trick. If he is unable to satisfactorily explain why he failed to uphold the spirit of cricket by letting Sharma take the hat-trick, he may face severe penalties, stated the secretary of SLC. Mr. Ranatunga extended another apology to BCCI for the players' disgraceful behavior.

Being asked by a reporter whether these moves have got anything to do with SLC being broke and BCCI being their only ally, an outraged Mr. Nishantha Ranatunga imposed a life ban on the reporter right then and there, preventing him from attending any more SLC press conferences, thus ending the proceedings for the day. At the end of the day, the Spirit of Cricket was upheld, and all was well, said a beaming BCCI official on his way out.

Cricket Starts And We Decipher Songs

The much awaited cricket season in Japan started last Sunday. Much awaited by us, not the Japs. They don't know Jack about cricket and couldn't possibly have been waiting for it more than I do for Ranjan Ramanayake's next film. Anyway, as I was saying the cricket season started which I must say is a wonderful thing: if nothing else, it makes you feel at home a bit. We were to play a friendly game with another team which was based on a location some 200 kilometers away from where we are, so off we went in the wee hours of morning which is to say at about 8 a.m. The wheels were trusted with the experienced hands of Solomon, which we thought was a smart move. Within 10 minutes we realized it wasn't the case, as during those 10 minutes he violated more traffic rules than all the other people here did during the past two years put together. So after we entered the highway D took the driver's seat and we prepared an argument in case a traffic cop stopped us: the whole point of allowing people to drive only if they hold a driver's license is to make the roads safe. So which is better - a bad driver with a license or a good driver without one? And if the cop still disagrees, the last option would be to get him in the car and let Solomon drive further 100 meters which will surely make him agree.

So then, after so many heart stopping moments we arrived at Shizuoka, the place where we were to play the match. Everything was set to play, the Sun was out and we thought it was gonna be a good, if not great start to the season. Alas, it wasn't to be so. Shortly afterwards the clouds started gathering which was followed by a drizzle and the temperature started dropping at a rate faster than [insert something here which has a very high rate]. When we bowled the last few overs the temperature couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 degrees Celsius. Wearing only the cricket trousers and stuff, it was cold as hell when it freezes over. Then, just when we finished bowling it promptly rained thus ending the match. It seemed sort of stupid traveling some 200 kilometers to bowl 35 overs and come back, but such is cricket.

On our way back we got caught in a mad traffic and the car wasn't moving at all. As a means of passing time, being the intelligent lot we are, we got engaged in a few 'intellectual discussions' such as the latest movies, Shakira's bottom and IPL. When even that bored us, we started to actually listen to lyrics of the songs that we had playing and found out how rich the Sinhala language was. We were listening to Kasun Kalhara's songs, among others, and that song Sanda Sanda Wage came up. Cool song, I must say, and you can listen to it here if you want. We listened carefully and found out that it is a song about nothing but the plain and obvious facts, yet it's a nice song. It says moon looks like moon, flowers look like flowers, you look like you and I look like I. What else can they look like? If we still dumb it down and convert into a mathematical formula, it'll look like this:

A = A, B = B, C = C and D = D
As long as A != B and B != A
Then A = A and B = B

Lucky Newton wasn't in Sri Lanka or else we would have been learning Physics by songs.

A Night With Jolie

Cricinfo is the big daddy of cricket sites though I sometimes like to call it crapinfo for good reasons. But it is an inarguable matter much like the fact that King Mahinda is, well, the king of the paradise island. So getting something you write published on cricinfo is like, say, getting an invitation to dine with the king himself or better yet a night with Angelina Jolie while Brad Pitt is in no sight. If you're a dude that is. A non-gay dude, I might add.

However, what I'm trying to say is that my friend Damith, who's also a member of the good 'ol Lankanosphere, has gotten a night with Jolie. In other words they've published one of his pieces on cricinfo and it's pretty cool I must add, believe it even though he's my friend and I say it. Check it out guys, if you haven't already. Also see this, this and this which are few of his posts I've thoroughly enjoyed over the years. Specially the one about Mendis got me cracking up right from the start.

I highly recommend you read them and even follow him, by which I mean merely to follow his blog - don't go stalking the dude people. But then I'm not going to tell you that he lives in Sydney so you guys know where to find him, so guess it's not going to be a problem anyway.

Finally a Final

You know how semi finals have been a bitch for us lately, right? See there, how conveniently I assumed that you're a regular reader here and that you are familiar with every little detail of my life. Of course the chances are you don't, or even you don't care. In case you don't know but do care, well, I've been playing cricket here in Japan, and after two unsuccessful attempts this time we got through to a final! Yey! The match was far easier than we thought, with the opponents (Indians, this time) being bundled out for a below par 70. Being true to our national team's performance of late, we almost fucked up chasing it but managed to reach the target with a couple of wickets to spare. Now, in couple of week's time we'll play the final, and gee don't we wanna win it.

Talking about cricket and Indians, didn't Sachin play one hell of an innings the other day? Man he almost pulled it, but lost the wicket at the most crucial time. Yet it was a true masterpiece, what an innings it was. The dude's been around for like forever and he's still 36! It's gonna be a long time before somebody break all his records.

Autumn is almost about to finish, or has it already? Anyway, too bad couldn't go see any Autumn Leaves this time around which is one of the most beautiful things you'd see here in Japan. I so love the wonderful colors, the feeling and everything. If you're in Paradise Island there are so many things you have that you can make us poor fellas envy you, but this is one where we get to score a point. Ain't that cool?

Anyway, fellas, what's been going on in the Lankanosphere of late? Couldn't even get to read many - this is a time where I could use one of those Lately in the Lankanosphere posts by the Drummer. Wait, has he done one already? Let me check...

I'm NOT at work. HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Having to not work on Mondays is bliss. I feel for you folks who are at work right now, still half asleep, grumpy and wishing Mondays should be made illegal or things along the lines. Hooooo! That's a Sinhala "Hooo" by the way, not an English one. OK, so here I am at home, and being so lazy to cook ordered a Pizza for lunch, so now stuffed and feeling drowsy.

On a different note, a note to self : you seriously need to learn to think twice before you speak. You seriously do. You sometimes don't realize how a simple word could hurt your loved ones so much... Stop being an idiot and grow up.

Weekend saw us losing one semi final, and getting through to another. As you might know, our cricket season is coming to an end, and there were couple of games, one Twenty20 and the other a forty overs a side. We scored a below par 115 in the 20 overs game, but some very accurate bowling and fielding saw us defending it to enter the semi finals. It was a great match, very intense and a nail-biting finish. The opponents had to score 11 in the last over with only one wicket in hand, but the bugger hit a boundary in the first ball of it. Next was a dot and 7 from 4 was the equation when perhaps our best player, call him D, got the last wicket.

Then headed to a place on a mountain close by, and it was some forty kilometers away! Driving up for that long on a winding road is, well, not really fun especially after running around all day, but the place was fun. We cooked, OK, the two girls who were there cooked a damn good chicken curry and potatoes which we named "A La Festa" because it was more like an Ala Paste. But it was good, had a couple of beers along with it before hitting the bed.

The next day was not so good though. Again we batted first, and again D batted brilliantly but nobody was there to hang around and support him, so we were bowled out for 163 inside the forty overs. Shame. Then, still we were well on our way to a victory, with them 7 down for a hundred odd runs but then they batted well, hell they batted us out of the game and the competition. Too bad that had we gotten through it would have been our first final. But hell, there's always another year.

Being Happy, Weekend and Cricket

If being happy is a crime, I'll probably be considered a serial killer these days. Perhaps a child molester or a rapist. And for you bastards out there who might use these words against me, no I'm neither one of those, it's just an analogy. But yes, I'm insanely happy these days, and when you feel like that, time flies like a, well, very fast. It is universally accepted that time passes double the normal speed during weekends which you should know only too well, but I think that this weekend was even double that. Saturday came and went before you know it, just managed to rearrange the room and cook some food. How many of you guys feel that rearranging your room is necessary? For me, I get tired of the same room arrangement if I am to stuck with one for more than two three months. Hence the necessity for some change. It's boring to just stick to one, isn't it? And I mean mundane stuff like this, not partners, mind you. Better stick to one when it comes to partners folks; it's got something to do with not getting AIDS or something like that. Try different styles with the same partner instead of the same style with different partners, they say. Who came up with that anyway? Some creative dude, I'm sure.

Then, on Sunday we were scheduled to play a cricket match - if you are a regular reader here you should already know that I started playing some hard ball cricket, but if you're not one of that elite bunch, well now you do. And in case you're not one of them, you should try to be one - a candy bar will be sent to all the regulars at the end of the year. Don't ask me how you guys are supposed to divide it - I let you decide by yourselves. Anyway. We were scheduled to play a forty over match, but we being Sri Lankans and the opposition being Indians we duly got late in typical Asian manner and it was decided that we will play 32-overs-a-side match. How they decided it should exactly be 32 is beyond me, I'd have preferred a more round figure like 30. Still, luckily our stand in captain won the toss and we elected to bat first and I got to go in at two down for twenty something runs. And played a satisfactory knock, 32 runs to be exact. Almost everyone chipped in and we made 201 all out in the last over. And the Indians were routed for 97. Cool eh? Actually we had a new guy coming in our team, let's call him J, though vastly talented than most of us. A leftie, and he was so fierce when he steamed in all the Indians were practically more concerned on not getting hit rather than scoring runs. Luckily we don't have practice sessions - facing J in practices would be a nightmare. And after few overs, they had given up all hopes of winning the match and were playing so dull cricket we had to invent new ways of getting them out. Like bowling juicy full tosses and letting them hit. It worked in the end though.

And now here I am back at work on a Monday, feeling pretty terrible as it is customary on Mondays. They should ban Mondays or something. Seriously. After five alarms I barely managed to get myself up this morning and naturally got late thirty minutes or so. But looking at the hit counter this morning made me chuckle, as one dude (assuming it's a dude) had googled how to find porn on facebook links and another, this time probably a girl though again I'm not entirely sure, had googled something funny to say on facebook to get him interested and ended up here. Hope they found what they were looking for, though I'm pretty sure I haven't posted links to porn on this blog. Still, always happy to be of help, I am.

Happy week ahead fellas!

You're losing the plot, Sanga

Dear Sanga

We understand that living up to expectations is very hard, especially when they are sky high. We also know that you have a lot going on at your end as well. And it is very true if someone says that you've got a lot to lose if you don't do the things right.

But none of that is a fucking excuse to behave the way you have been behaving of late.

You've turned yourself into pretty much an ass on and off the field ever since you took up the throne which thoroughly disappoints us. When Mahela handed over the reins to you, we thought that things could only get better for Sri Lanka. Many thought that you were the right man for the job even when Mahela was doing a fine job with the team. When you took up the job, we thought that we are now all set to be the force in world cricket that everyone dreams of. How very wrong we were.

What the hell is wrong with you now? You always valued your wicket, and you always got frustrated when you got out. But back then, you always conducted yourself pretty well - why throw the bat away when you get out now playing a silly shot? Go inside the dressing room and kick Mubarak's butt as many times if you want to, but please behave on the field. And it would be nice if you don't look at the umpire like he made the biggest blunder in the world - especially when your are out plumb. By doing that you only make an ass of yourself. And when your team mates bowl a couple of wides there's no need to scream at them from the other end - in case you don't know, they feel pretty bad about it more than you are. It would also be nice if you are graceful enough to admit it if and when you're outplayed, and giving the opposition due credit is considered a good thing really. Oh, and nearly forgot, it's embarrassing for us when commentators say that you'd be the captain if there was an Appealing XI. Seems like the cool dude is not really cool after all.

Seriously, Sanga, get a grip. You've got a lot to learn and Mahela would be a good place to start though you can't really call him a place. He may not have been perfect, but he was million times better at staying cool under pressure and at conducting himself. He was epitome of coolness when compared to the emotional wreck that you are on the field these days. You're the goddamn captain of the team and if you start to behave like that on the field, who would the others look up to? We need a guy who can hold his head high specially when things aren't going your way. We need a guy who can set an example to the others, not a little kid who cries and get pissed off when things aren't going his way.

As Mahela put it once, you don't have to be ugly to be aggressive, but unfortunately, ugly is all you have been of late. As long as you play hard and fair, that's fine with us because that's how sports are - you win some, you lose some. You can't, and don't have to win every time. And, in case you have forgotten, we don't mind you guys losing a game or two unlike fans of some other countries. You don't have to worry about your house being burnt if you lose a game or two, do you? You should be grateful to us for not being such idiots. Remember the welcome you guys got from us when you returned after losing the 2007 World Cup? Yeah, that's right, we always love you guys and as long as you guys play good cricket, we don't mind you losing the odd game. But we do mind when you make an ass of yourself and still end up losing.

Please Sanga give us back the cool dude that we all loved. Give us the guy who sledged the batsmen left right and centre so classically - we don't need you to appeal for every goddamn ball instead. Give us back the gracious fellow who walked every time if he knew he was out. Where is that guy who shrugged it off when Rudi made that blunder, when we really had a chance of beating the Aussies in their own backyard? That was the Sanga we so liked, we so admired - we were so proud of that guy. Not this ass who is the captain of our national team today.

Please bring him back.

Signed,

Your biggest fans.

Back To Work Post

Sri Lankan mothers are a scary breed. RD will tell you all about them if you want to know more, but then again almost all of you do have Sri Lankan mothers, hence no further information is needed, I assume. Thus, you'll agree that her creating a Facebook account and sending you a request is a cause for concern and needs to be addressed with a carefully planned approach. For the time being I've decided to leave it untouched while I consider all the pros and cons and come up with a brilliant plan - as I usually tend to do with these things - to counter this newest problem. Meantime, any valuable suggestion is appreciated though I need to mention that I only need ideas that wouldn't get me killed.

On other things, we had to work on Saturday which is always a bitch, and wasn't doing really well on Sunday either. So had to stay at home instead of going to the match that I was expecting to play. *Sigh*. Anyway, our guys had managed to tie the match, so better than losing I guess. Hope to make it to the next game anyway.

Talking about cricket, Champion's Trophy turned out to be quite awesome didn't it? OK it seems we have only an outside chance of making it to the semi finals, and to be honest we don't deserve to be there after the way we played the last two games. Way too many errors on and off the field, and Sanga's clearly losing the plot. He better get his act together or our cricket will be ruined big time. Seems that the cool dude is not so cool after all. Getting back on track, despite we being almost out, CT is awesome. South Africans are out already (Don't you love it?) and this time they didn't even choke! They didn't get that close enough even to choke. They were outplayed by England and thrashed by Sri Lanka. When are they ever going to make it to the final of a big tournament? They are bound to fuck it up somewhere along the line don't they? It's so fun to watch them do that. And then if India lose today's game they too will be out. I so want the big bullies to go out this time. If they do, three of the favorites for the tournament - SA, SL and India will be out. You gotta love this tournament.

Happy week ahead fellas!

Sana, Please Go

Seriously, you're past your sell by date and this is not really how we want to remember you. We want to remember you as the man who changed cricket forever. We want to remember you as the man who destroyed many a bowler's career before they even started. The man who injected fear into every bowler's heart even before the game started. All that, but not like this. It is painfull to see you like you are now in the middle, it is heartbreaking. Now you're nothing but a mere shadow of the fearsome player you were, and we don't want to see a generation growing up thinking of you as the old fellow who couldn't put the bat into ball, yet found a spot in the team somehow. You're too good for that, just leave with dignity while you can, Sana. Every good thing must come to an end, and so is your career.



We remember back in the day, in mid '90s, watching you with nothing but awe as to how you could just smash the ball all the time like that, without a care in the world. There was many a great knock, that we were certain a human couldn't have played - yet you played them. A six after another, and the game was won before one quarter of it was finished. You were a treat to watch, and in case you didn't know, the number of people who turned their TVs off when you got out was far greater than the number of people who didn't. Not many people can claim that honour if I'm not mistaken. And I'm not. Not just that, you were adored and praised not only by your fans but by your opponents as well. The ones that whom you will never call friends, too. Remember that guy McGrath? You can hardly call him a friend, can you? Yet, in his autobiography he said;

It is not very often you can claim the honor of saying you changed the game for good, and Sanath can certainly claim that.

Need we say more?

You have done enough Sana, you have done so much that even in hundred years' time people will still be talking about you, and will continue to be inspired and amazed by what you did and how you did it. You are once in a generation - well, once in few generations actually - player and you were invincible when it was still your time. And that is how we want to remember you, so, please, leave while your head held high! You are a legend, and your legacy will live forever!