The teacher you dream of!

He was the teacher that every student dreams of having, but doesn't ever get in real life.
And to think that we actually had such a guy (sir, when I say guy, it means a whole lot of affection and respect, not a single bit of disrespect) as a teacher!

Let's call him U.
Not like you U, but U the letter. I don't really like to use u for you or cm for come (some people even use cum. ha!) but that's a totally different post which I might do a little later. So he's U.

U was our Mathematics teacher as well as the class teacher in our A/L class, back in 99/2000. I went to this Catholic school in Kandy which was run by a priest (a 'father') and everyone - and I mean everyone - hated the guy. Here, the use of guy means the complete opposite of what I had to say about U above. To our much delight, U hated him as much and better yet, didn't give a rat's ass about him or his authority. Do I need to say anymore why we loved him so much? Not everyone gets a teacher that cool.

Stories of U #1
His nick name was "Glacier". Know why? He was such a lazy ass and the usual word "ice" wasn't enough for him. He would read a newspaper or even doze off in the class if he didn't feel like teaching. But this doesn't mean he neglected his duties, no. U always finished the syllabus, he just was so relaxed and cool. And to elaborate the point, when he writes on the blackboard, he'd use his free hand to support the writing hand. Even holding his writing hand up to the blackboard was a pain for him. Is there any better name than Glacier?


Stories of U #2
Sometimes we had our lectures in laboratories. And in them, there are no single desks but long tables. So, while U was teaching we (we means my 'gang' who virtually used to run the class) would usually sit in two rows around the table, one facing him and one with our backs to him. And U didn't ever care. He didn't run after students bitching about us not studying, ever. His motto was I teach, learn if you want. We didn't complain. So while we were in the class, we'd eat, play some games or just have a chat and occasionally do some studies.

Our principal (let's call him P) had a habit of going around the blocks ones or twice a day, visiting the classrooms. So this day we were just having fun in the classroom, and U was also reading a newspaper or something.

Suddenly he calls us.
"Oi, poddak issarahata harenawa, anna ara miniha me paththata enawa"
(Guys, turn this way for a min, that jerk's coming this way)
"Sir?"
"P enawa, poddak issarahata harenawa"
(P is coming, turn this way)
"OK sir..."

So his majesty P arrives. And sees U and us doing nothing.
He goes,
"Sir, lamai mokuth karanne na wage neda?" A hint of sarcasm.
(Sir, students seems to be doing nothing?)
"Eka thamai father mamath me baluwe"
(I wondered the same thing, father)

P turned on his heels right there and went away.


Stories of U #3
My father was a teacher in my college. And to make things worst, he was also the assistant discipline master. Which means not only you have to watch your back whenever you do something out of line, but you also have to think about your old man's honour. Sucks, I tell you.

While in A/L class, we used to skip classes and go out of the school whenever we felt like. There were lot of things to do. A famous movie theatre was near the college, so it was always an option. We had a guy who's house was just five minutes from school and at his place there was a PC, a VHS, A VCD player (remember, this was a time when those items were still luxuries - not many people owned a PC back then) and even a pool table. It was a no brainer choosing between them and a couple of hours in class.

The security guard at the gate was cool with us as long as we bribed him with a couple of cigarettes. Only matter was we needed someone to watch our backs in case P decided to show up while we were attending to our business. That's where U came in. We usually informed him before going out.

"Sir, api poddak eliyata yanawa"
(Sir, we'll going out for a while)
"Oh OK sure" He didn't ever bothered to ask where.

And right when we turn to go, he calls me back.
"Oi me, ona thanaka yanawa, habai thatha awith ahuwoth nam mata karanna deyak na"
(Go wherever you want, but if you dad shows up, sorry son)
"Oh, OK sir..."

Stories of U #4
His exams were damn tough. And he knew we were helpless.
So, during the term tests, U never bothered to see if we copied and prevent it. He'd just sit there and read something, doze off or even go out to canteen to get something to eat.
So when we exchange our answer sheets and he sees us,

"Ha ha copy karala liyanawako puluwannam"
(Copy all you want and answer if you can)

We duly obliged.
And the highest marks of the class was something like 60.


Stories of U #5

In a holiday period, I think it was the August holidays, we went to the above mentioned movie theatre. The movie was an 'adults only', and we were 18, so I suppose things were cool. We sat in the balcony and some people behind us calls us. It was the Arts class' guys of our batch. And they were silently pointing to a corner of the hall. We slowly turned, and to our horror, there was U, coolly reading a newspaper until the movies starts.
He even waved at us.
We couldn't tell who was more embarrassed, but I guess it was us.

Long live sir!