Jesus and Mo

I've been a fan of this cartoon strip Jesus and Mo for a long time. In case you haven't come across it, and if you are able to grasp some wit and humor - rather than pissing yourself thinking they're insulting your religion - then I recommend you pay a visit. It's totally worth your time.

Anyway, I've been reading some old comics in it randomly and came across this one, and cracked like mad!

Just see for yourselves.



Happy weekend again, fellas!

And Let the Tagging Begin!

Kalusudda tags me with this. Seems the drummer was bored again and started this thing. But yeah, it's been a while since we last had a tagging business going on. With all the... well you know what right.

So here are the rules. Quite simple.

You write five words to describe how you feel about recent events in Sri Lanka.

You tag five bloggers.

You sit back and relax.

Here we go:

1. Relieved

2. Sad

3. Disgusted

4. Hopeful

5. Optimistic


So now I pass this to Dee, LD, Whack, PseudoRandom and VIC.

Happy tagging people. And have a nice weekend!

Because I'm bored.

Totally. And drowsy. Hence some random rantings.

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Today was our annual medical checkup. They shouldn't put oh-so-cute doctors to measure blood pressure. Seriously. A cutie holding your hand while wrapping that strap like thing around your arm doesn't help. Add to that her killer perfume. Doesn't help at all. My measured pressure today must be quite high than what it should have been. What's the point? And then the evil doc next to her took about a litre of blood out of me. True story. I felt so sad. How much do I have to eat again to gain all that. Easy for her to stick a needle in and just wait till the tube - actually, there were three - is filled. Oh, and I just realized that I still doesn't know my blood type. Meh. Oh and it seems I've gotten one and a half centimetres short from last year. Jeez. Benjamin Button is not alone, is he?

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Was wasting time on FB as usual. On FB homepage - not your profile - to the right side there appears photo albums of your friends right? Go check it if you're not sure. So... there was one album called "Akki's Wedding" and one of my good friend's name appeared next to it. All good except for the little matter that her sister is happily married for about four years now. I was like "What? Really? She got married again? But what happened to ayya?", before I realized that it was not my friend's album, but an album of someone else where she merely commented. Lucky I didn't tell anyone. Otherwise I'm sure that the said friend would have sent a missile this way.

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I want food. Sri Lankan food. Kos, Polos, Pol Sambal, Karawala and stuff like that. I've had enough of my cooking I might throw up the next time I eat them. I can see you already grinning. No you jerks, my cooking is not that bad, it's just the combinations I cook. Chicken and Parippu. Every week. Occasional potato curry or maybe beans. A salad once in a while. But maaaaan, who wants that shit. Sigh. Vot to do.

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There's another half an hour to go. Time is a bitch. When we want it to pass quickly, the bastard starts to walk with a snail. And when we want it to stop, when we want to savor our moments, it flies like a super sonic jet. Alright, 29 more to go. Way too sleepy to write anymore. Let me hit the publish button...

I've got only few more months left!

Gotcha, didn't I?

Well, prolly not. You see, Kottu shows the first few lines of every post, not just titles, so the attention grabbing titles are of no use really. Vot to do. So yeah, I'm not going to die or anything - in fact I'm as healthy as I can be and as happy as a bee! By the way, who came up with this 'happy as a bee' line? I mean, how do you know if a bee is happy or not? Did he conduct an interview or something? For all we know, they may be spending a life as shitty as Ranil W right now. I think it's got something to do with the buzzing. Poor guy, didn't he know that everything that buzzes is not necessarily happy? If he's right, cell phones and door bells must be two of the happiest things on earth.

Anyway, back to topic.

Have you ever stopped to think how you'd feel if you got to know that you've got only a few months left to live? Say you get to know that you've got some incurable disease, one which guarantees nothing but death. Just three months is all you have. What would you do?

Think I'll be shit scared more than anything else, at least at first. No matter whatever is being said about death, how some people are not afraid to die, they all feel the fear of death at least at the very last moment. Except perhaps the ones who lost all the reasons to live. But the fact remains that the fear of death is the driving force that keeps life going. Ironic isn't it?

But then what would you do? Would you be so scared, and let the fear over take you? Would you be a victim of fear, go mad, before the actual disease gets to you? Or would you be withdrawn from everything, and sulk in a corner until the last day? Get so angry and scream at everyone and everything that gets on your way? Perhaps go on about your life, doing what you do, because there is nothing else to do? Or would party like there's no tomorrow - come to think of it, there isn't - and do whatever you wanted to do, making those few months the best of your life? Honestly, I don't know. But I like to think that I would chose the last if I was faced with it, though I wish that I won't have to face it in the first place.

There was one man though, Randy Pausch, who faced exactly this situation. Dunno if you've heard about him, but in case you haven't, it's a story worth knowing. He was - yes, he was - a professor in the Department of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon University. In mid 2007 he got to know that he had an incurable cancer, and was left with only a few months to live. I can only imagine what he must have gone through. But in the end he refused to bow to death, he refused to look glum, instead came forward with a series of lectures about life which were totally, and I mean totally inspiring! His last lecture, titled Achieving Your Childhood Dreams, was a treat to watch. It's a bit long, but guys do watch it - use an hour you waste on FB - and you wouldn't regret. He talks about his childhood dreams, as the title suggests, and how important it is for someone to try to achieve them. However stupid, lame or useless they may seem. Because at the end of the day, it's the only thing you'd take to your grave with you - the thought that you achieved what you wanted in your life. Nothing else. I'm totally amazed at the courage of this man who managed a smile even while facing a certain death. Staying true to his profession, he taught us a lesson even in the last days of his life, a lesson for us all to remember.

Randy died on 25th of July 2008, aged 47, but as I see it, he lived a fuller life than most of us can dream of.

R.I.P. Sir!

Kick Ass Kickmania!

Peeps, it really kicks ass!

Usually I ignore almost all the FB application requests because they're more or less the same boring and stupid shit. But this, this ain't no any of that. It's called Kickmania, and it is the coolest, funnest, craziest and most addictive FB application I've come across so far! Just try it out guys.

Basically what you have to do is kick other people - their asses that is - on FB, as further as possible. If you kick someone's ass further than anyone else did, then you own his or her ass! For example, if I kick Jerry's ass 50 meters, then I'll own his ass. But of course if Sabby comes and kicks Jerry even further, which I'm sure she'd be glad to do, I will lose Jerry's ass to Sabby. Even mutual owning is possible. Like, if LD kicks Dee's ass further than anybody else, she'll own Dee's but if Dee decides to retaliate and kick LD's further than anybody, then they'll end up owning each other's asses. Finally, if the big daddy RD shows up and start kicking everyone distances that nobody else can even imagine reaching, god help us, he'll own us all! And like anything else you own, then you'll be free to do anything you want with them.

This is what it looks like.

But of course this is no easy task though you might be tempted to think so. It takes time to get the hang of it. Kicking at an angle of 45 degrees, with a maximum power would help you go a lot of distance. You see, you need Physics even to kick asses, so learn your subjects people. But when you finally master the fine details of ass kicking you end up owning so many asses that you wonder what to do with them. I think it was Nee, a good friend of mine, who first found this thing (thanks bro!) - though S told me about it - and now the bugger has become so good at it that he owns more than seventy asses. Including mine.

I don't own so many, but still I have got quite a few, and being the generous chap I am, I decided to give them away to anybody who needs one. For free. You'll be served on first come first served basis. Just, don't forget to mention whether you prefer a guy's one or a nice lady ass.

You don't want to end up with a wrong kind of an ass for the rest of your life, do you?

Another Sri Lankanism

I work at the head office of my company which is in Tokyo. But there are another few offices which are scattered nearby, where lot of my friends work - the Sri Lankan ones, I meant. And some of them live nearby my apartment as well.

This morning, one of the Japs comes to me.

Sach, some of your friends who work at that office live nearby you?

Umm... yeah. There's M.

I need to send a parcel there tomorrow, will she be OK?

Yeah, I guess so.

Then I goes back to work and forgets all about it.
The Jap comes back in couple of hours.

Did you ask her about it?

Ask what?

Well, if she could take that parcel to the office?

WTF, was my first thought. But of course I didn't say it. Instead;

Oh, no not yet. Since she might be busy I thought of asking her during the lunch hour.

Alright. Thanks a lot.

Honestly, it didn't even occur to me that I should ask her whether she could deliver it. But then again, why would I? I just know that she would never refuse, besides just asking someone for a favor - out of the blue - is our way, isn't it? Poor Japs, they don't really know what it is like to be Sri Lankan.

But I sent her a text anyway.

National Discrimination?

Yesterday, while randomly browsing the Internet I came across this site which apparently let you find out if you need a visa or not to enter Italy. The country where the applicant has citizenship as well as the place of residence were set to Japan by default. The browsers these days are pretty intelligent, you know.

It looked like this.



It seems that the Japanese does not need a visa to just visit, or do business in Italy. Cool. All's fine. But just out of curiosity, I entered "Sri Lanka" instead of Japan for the "Citizen of" column.



:O

So now, even to set foot on Italy, you need a visa if you're a Sri Lankan. Meaning, you are treated differently just for being a Sri Lankan.

Ain't that discrimination?

I even looked up Wiki for the definition of discrimination. It says,

Discrimination toward or against a person of a certain group is the treatment or consideration based on class or category rather than individual merit. It can be behavior promoting a certain group (e.g. affirmative action), or it can be negative behavior directed against a certain group (e.g. redlining).

Fits the bill pretty well, isn't it?

So, is this not a form of discrimination? Or is it just my car, my petrol thing?

Just a thought...

I'm so glad...

... that finally it's over.

At this hour rumors are flying everywhere and the speculation is ripe that finally VP is dead. I honestly do not know what to believe, but it seems that it is fairly reasonable to conclude he is indeed no more. Well I hope so. I'm not really awed about all this, for death brings no joy. It doesn't. But, I do admit that I am relieved.

There are certain individuals throughout the history who's death always brought a sigh of relief, if not joy, to people. Be it Hitler, Idi Amin or any other mass murderer. I don't know about the world, but now at least most of the Sri Lankans breathe a sigh of release at the death of a man who terrorized us for a quarter century with some of the most brutal acts the world has ever seen. The fact that the number of suicide attacks happened in Sri Lanka during this time is greater than all the other such attacks in the rest of the world put together, says something. We have endured the epitome of terrorism for goddamn twenty five years. We want no more.

But, this is anything but the end. In fact, only just now that begins the hardest part. It is far easier to pick up a gun and kill people and gain a piece of land than gaining the trust of people who have been mistreated and discriminated against once upon a time. Such wounds doesn't heal easily. But we must try, for this victory would mean nothing otherwise. As a nation it is time to put all our differences behind and help these people - they are our people - to live a better life. We must give them hope, and show them that we can all live in harmony in this heaven on earth.

Only then, will calling this land a paradise be truly meaningful.

What's with all the 'Exposing'?

Seriously, guys, what's going on?

I haven't been posting much lately mainly because have gotten a bit busy at work these days. Got a deadline looming and nothing's on mind other than just finishing things before it. So haven't been reading Kottu much lately. Today, someone says hi on FB and then I get to know that things have become interesting in the blogsphere lately. I pay a visit.

Whoa!

'Interesting' seems to be a serious understatement.

Seems people have been closing blogs, reopening, then exposing others and what not. WTF? Heard about some Chocolate or Weed guy and I paid him - assuming that it's a him - a visit. Well, I like chocolate a lot. And to be frank, weed is quite good too though I haven't had some for a while. What's even better is having some chocolate after smoking weed, if you know what I mean. Anyway, now this weed guy seems to be at it with a plan. Weed Warnings? And Weed Watch? Honestly? Sounds like Sirasa News. And he has Buried Weeds as well. Reminds of a serial killer who collects trophies! Quite amusing if you ask me.

Seriously, dude, get a life. Now that we are on the brink of finishing a shitty war, seems people are in need of some action, one way or another. And it seems that our good old Charm Bracelet has closed her blog, but someone has re-registered it and planning a counter attack. Oh my, if I had the writing skills of Blacker guy I'd write a movie script with all this. Come to think of it, someone might actually do it. Just in case you do, please do remember to put a thank you note mentioning me, that I came up with the original idea.

Or else I'd expose you too. The consequences will be dire, you know.

Skype-ing With Mom and Other Things

My mom usually calls me using Skype. Now do not - I repeat, do not - assume that she's all tech type ultra modern mom. Actually, she's quite the opposite, it's just I managed to teach her how to turn on the PC, wait till Skype logs in and - I've enabled auto login feature - and then push the "call" button if the little icon next to my name appears in green. That's all she knows to do with a computer. Nothing more, nothing less. If anybody disabled auto login, for whatever the reason, the next time she turns on the PC she might just wait forever for Skype to login. I wish that that would never happen.

Anyway, last night we were having a chat and she wanted to see me. There was a problem with my webcam, so it hasn't been working for few weeks now.

OK then, send me a photograph of yours. A recent one.

How?

What do you mean how? Just send it.

*Surprise*
Mom, you know how to save it and open and all that?

Err... I don't know. The last time your brother was in he showed some pictures of you. I just had to click the "next" button and I could go through them all.

Mom, that's Facebook!

Just imagine teaching her to login to FB and view my albums, while I'm here at the other end. Impossible.

That's not going to do. If I send you a file, can you save it and see?

If you tell me how to do that, I can.

*Sigh*
All right.
Pick up the webcam and show me your screen.

*She moves the webcam*

Righ. OK a bit to the left. Up, up, Enough.

Then I dragged a photo and dropped it onto the chat window.

Now click the little orange bar in the taskbar?

Where?

*Sigh*
See there is a blue long bar at the bottom of the screen? There you see a little rectangle blinking orange and blue right? Click that.

Ah I see. OK done.

OK accept and save it.

Umm... how do I do that?

Just click the accept button.

OK done. It says now... save... shall I click it?

Oh yeah mom, click it. The computer won't blow up if you click the wrong button!

Easy for you to say. Oh my god, a large window opened!
(That's the "save" window, by the way)

So, this went on and on and on like that...

Finally, after so much effort we managed to transfer a photo of me, one which was a little over 40KB but it took close to fifteen minutes for this. Sending a file is a very complex procedure, you know.

Finally she sees it.

So how do I look mom, handsome guy noh?

Hmm... yeah, sudu welada?

Pissuda hallo, maawa sudu karanna makala aayeth paint karanna thama wenne.

OK OK send me some more, I want to see more. See it wasn't difficult ne.

*Gasping*
Oh no no no mom, that's enough! I'll tell aiya to show you the rest when he comes home next!

These moms, I tell you...


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After that, I get a new friend request from some girl. Usually, I accept them all. Treating everyone equally or something, I just don't reject. But this time I was surprised. She has some pictures, and supposedly she's 16, but I have no idea who she is. Besides, the strangest thing is, I'm the ONLY friend in her friend list! I mean, WTF? If you create your FB account and the first friend you add is someone you don't know? Who does that? I have every good reason to believe that this is a prank by one of my very nice friends. I've got a bunch of them you know.

Also, I usually stays invisible in FB chat. I hate FB chat. The next thing she does is, she writes on my wall:
"come online why u afraid for me?"

Seriously, what's with girls these days? If it's a girl that is.


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Working on Saturdays is a bitch. I had to work yesterday, and it's killing you when you have to work on a Saturday. Because, when I get back to my apartment it's usually close to 8 p.m., and after staying awake till 2 a.m., usually you get up at noon the next day. And then the Sunday goes by even before you know it and back to work Monday!
DAMN!


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OK fellas, have a good weekend, thought already one day is gone by!
Cheers!

Fulfilling Your Destiny

I apologise...

... to everyone who Google how to get pregnant or how to kiss. I was so irresponsible to mock them telling them to just get laid if they wanted to know how to do those. After all, getting laid is not that easy, and a lot of people were quick to point that out. Come to think of it, they do have a point - we do almost everything we do just to get laid, don't we? Well not everything, but you see... I shouldn't have said that. So... my apologies!

Other than that, I had a wonderful vacation of five days, a much needed break if you ask me. Sitting behind a computer and writing code 24/7 is not that easy. Or I should have said 8/5. Whatever. Sunday we had a BBQ, so most of the Saturday went by for preparations. Then the Sunday was just A.W.E.S.O.M.E! The BBQ was a total success, most of the guys here turned up for it and had lots and lots of fun. And cricket after a long long time. Though the next day you couldn't move a muscle, still it was worth it.

Serendib Isle asked for some pics, and here they are as I promised.

These guys live in front of my apartment, and usually I don't forget to feed them during the weekends...

And who says only men can ride?

Oh and the food was awesome!


It was so awesome that even the cooks couldn't wait, and they forgot what was on the grill, so naturally we had to eat some roasted-meat as well.




Then came cricket!

And didn't forget to check out the chicks either. Well, except one who seems to be more interested in food...

Sadly, every good thing must come to an end, and vacations are no exceptions. No wonder somebody said that "nobody needs a vacation more than the person who just had one!"

How to get pregnant?

I wanted to know how to create a login to SQL Server using C#, so started by typing "how to" in Google. Well of course that's what anyone would do if they type a sentence starting with "how to", but I just said it anyway. Have you noticed that when you type something in Google it gives you suggestions, the search terms matching each letter you type? So, if you start by typing how to, this is what you get.

Now I know that you're going to go to Google and check it out. OK I'll wait a couple of seconds for you.

*Waiting*
*Waiting*
*Waiting*

I was right, wasn't I?

How to tie a tie, well fair enough, even I know only two ways of tying a tie.
But how to kiss? And how to get pregnant?
Honestly?
Just get laid people, you'd know how to do both!

Happy weekend fellas, have fun!

Oh, speaking of weekends, I have a looooong weekend! The number of Os in the previous long tells you how many days I have in the long weekend coming. Clever ha? Not really. I have a friend who keep telling me to send them to some idiot whenever I send her an email with a little trick or something. I see the same happening again. Poor me.

OK people, bye then, again!