I never thought I'd be writing a post on a topic like this. Not that I'm an insensitive moron, but because it's not really in my nature. Yet, things change as I have come to understand, maybe a little bit too much for my liking. Anyway, that's a topic for a totally different post, so let's keep it at that and focus here.
What prompted me to write this is the death of a friend of mine. Well, to be honest she wasn't really a close friend, but someone I knew and was a good friend of my X. In fact that's how I got to know her actually. We were just 'hi-bye' type friends, nothing more. But her death really shook me up, a lot more than I expected.
The unpleasant story in short is this.
She was only 23 at the time of her death. She had a boyfriend, who's the same age as she is - maybe a couple of months older. And in the last few months it seems that things have gotten a bit 'out of control' and she ended up pregnant. And obviously they weren't in a position to get married, let alone raise a child as they were both depending on their parents. So they'd chosen the only option left and went for an abortion. But apparently the doc was not someone who's really qualified and he had fucked up the things and she ended up paying with her life for the mistake she'd done...
And now the things have turned into a total chaos. Their parents hadn't known it until her death and the guy is in deep shit now. Everyone's blaming him right now, as if he doesn't have enough to deal with. As far as I knew, he was pretty much committed and really loved her. I'm sure he is the one who's TOTALLY fucked up now, even if nobody blamed him. I can pretty well understand how he's feeling, cos I myself have the beyond-imagination painful experience of having to endure the death of your most beloved person on earth...
I really do feel for the guy.
And, I couldn't stop thinking about this for the last couple of days. It kept coming back to my mind again and again. And all along the one thing I was thinking was, "who's fault was it?"
Hmm... to a certain extent. Having pre-marriage sex is totally OK for me, as far as you're not stupid enough to not use any protection. Obviously they weren't careful enough. But should they (or her, really) pay for this mistake alone with their lives?
Well, obviously he's a son of a bitch who should be sentenced to death or something, yet there is a reason why he is there.
Obviously the fear that their parents would burn them alive (OK, that's a bad joke) must have urged them to make this decision, yet again I think the parents behave this way because of a reason.
Finally what I could conclude is that the system that is in place, the way the society tend to judge the people in such situations should be the most responsible. I don't think anybody needs to be told how people look at an unmarried pregnant girl, even in this so called modern era of globalization. In most people's eyes, they are not much better than whores, if I'm not mistaken. And obviously (at least most of the time) they aren't. And the guy will be branded as a sex-crazy, irresponsible, uncivilized, unethical blah blah blah SOB.
On the other hand, bringing a 'dad-less' child into this society has another set of problems. It is indeed a problem for the child, growing up with not knowing a father. And inevitably he/she has to face the odd looks and questions all through the life. Not to mention the fact that a kid sometimes really needs a father. This is just the tip of the iceberg...
So what could (or needs to be) done?
The best thing would be to change the attitudes of people but that would be as hard as anything in my experience. You know how some people hang on to their opinions, even when the facts hit them straight on the face.
So I suggest it'd be a good idea to legalize abortion. Yes obviously there would be some hardcore protests - especially from the religious groups and so called humanitarians, and it'll need someone with balls to make it happen, but that doesn't mean that it can't be done. In my opinion, it should be done. Let's face it, just because it is illegal you can't prevent it. We all know that there are hundreds of places in and around Colombo alone where you could get an abortion done for a few thousand bucks. There are doctors readily available, if you are prepared to spend the cash. And like in this case, most of them are not exactly qualified for it which makes already a dangerous process even more dangerous.
Thus, by legalizing abortion I think there are many things to gain. For onc, we could avoid unnecessary and unfortunate deaths like this - of girls who are only just beginnings their lives. If it is legalized, it will be performed by qualified doctors under suitable conditions where the risk is minimized. Remember, most of these unqualified doctors go ahead with the abortion sometimes even when it is at a stage where an abortion is not recommended - just because of the money.
And for the argument that the young ones will be even less careful - I don't think so. I don't think that the girls will go get laid down every other weekend just because you could get and abortion if need be. They are smarter than that. Especially legalizing it doesn't mean that there is no risk involved doing it. On the other hand, legalizing it means you will have to go through the proper channels to get an abortion done. If anything this will lead people to be more careful, in my opinion.
What do you guys say?
P.S. I hope that guy will have strength to go through this (probably the biggest) crisis of his life and learn a lesson. And RIP for that lovely girl.