Initially I thought of naming this post "Dumping Dilemmas". However that's not because I was going to reveal you the secrets of how to dump dilemmas. Rather because this post is about the dilemmas a man face when he is about to take a dump. But on second thoughts I named it as it is now for bloody recession is what caused all the dilemmas to begin with.
Let me give you a little background first. Before the recession the company I work for was spread across four buildings. One near Tokyo, three somewhere else. The one near Tokyo was the head office or the HQ as more educated, intelligent and important people would call it. I am well educated, intelligent and important, thus I would call it such. However the other three buildings play a more important part in this story so it would be easier I gave them names too. Well they already have names but for obvious reasons I am not at my liberty to reveal those names to you. Instead, taking your convenience into consideration as well, I will name them as follows. The first one, the one I work in right now, I'll refer to it as The Building I Work In Right Now. Then there is a second building next to The Building I Work In Right Now, but across the street. I will name it The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now. The last building is located across the street to The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now, hence I will give it the most logical name; The Building Across The Street To The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now. However The Building Across The Street To The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now and The Building I Work In Right Now aren't the same. So I assume that by now you must have realized there is a junction in the equation as well. Anyway, I hope I've made things crystal clear to you by now.
Moving on.
After we were hit by the recession as a means of cost-cutting the management decided to do away with the HQ. No, they didn't decide to destroy it, just move our company from there to The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now. But they didn't stop there. They also decided to move everyone who were originally in The Building Across The Street to The Building I Work In Right Now as well as The Building Across The Street To The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now to The Building I Work In Right Now. So to recap;
- People who were originally in the HQ are now in The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now.
- People who were originally in The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now are now in The Building I Work In Right Now.
- People who were originally in The Building Across The Street To The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now are now in The Building I Work In Right Now.
Now my story focus on only The Building I Work In Right Now. I hear you breathe a sigh of relief. Anyway because of all this mess now The Building I Work In Right Now has a population that roughly equal to the population of a small island. However it has only one men's room and only one ladies' room per floor each of which has 3 toilets. And that's where the fun begins. Imagine a perfectly normal scenario such as you want to take a dump and you proceed to the men's room. These floors are so crowded that it is very likely that at any given minute all three toilets are occupied. I am in the 8th floor which also happens to be the top floor. If the 8th floor is occupied the next best option is to hold it in or go to the 7th floor. But there's only so much holding a man can do. So I - or any random unfortunate guy in The Building I Work In Right Now - will have not option but to proceed to the 7th floor. However often the case is that all of it's toilets are occupied as well. In which case, 6th floor. Then the fifth. So on and so forth. You get the drift right? This is all nice and easy to say like this, but doing it is not so. Especially when holding is not an option anymore. Imagine going to the men's room in the 8th floor, finding it occupied, leaving it as quick as you can, going to the elevator and press the button to the 7th floor, waiting for it to arrive and getting in, getting out of the elevator on the 7th floor, go to the men's room in the 7th floor, finding it is occupied as well, leaving it even quicker, pressing the elevator button to the 6th floor, getting in, getting out on the 6th floor, entering the men's room, finding that occupied too, exiting that like a tracer bullet, pressing the elevator button to the 5th floor, getting in, getting out again, dash in to the 5th floor men's room, finding that occupied too, disappear from there, pressing elevator button to the 4th floor, getting in the elevator, getting out, entering the men's room in 4th floor only to find that it is occupied as well, run to the elevator, pressing the button to the 3rd floor, waiting...
Damn I got tired of writing that. I think, nay, know you got tired or reading it. Imagine actually doing it! Recession is such a bitch I tell you.
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