Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home

Monday, October 31, 2011

Side Effects of Recession

Initially I thought of naming this post "Dumping Dilemmas". However that's not because I was going to reveal you the secrets of how to dump dilemmas. Rather because this post is about the dilemmas a man face when he is about to take a dump. But on second thoughts I named it as it is now for bloody recession is what caused all the dilemmas to begin with.

Let me give you a little background first. Before the recession the company I work for was spread across four buildings. One near Tokyo, three somewhere else. The one near Tokyo was the head office or the HQ as more educated, intelligent and important people would call it. I am well educated, intelligent and important, thus I would call it such. However the other three buildings play a more important part in this story so it would be easier I gave them names too. Well they already have names but for obvious reasons I am not at my liberty to reveal those names to you. Instead, taking your convenience into consideration as well, I will name them as follows. The first one, the one I work in right now, I'll refer to it as The Building I Work In Right Now. Then there is a second building next to The Building I Work In Right Now, but across the street. I will name it The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now. The last building is located across the street to The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now, hence I will give it the most logical name; The Building Across The Street To The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now. However The Building Across The Street To The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now and The Building I Work In Right Now aren't the same. So I assume that by now you must have realized there is a junction in the equation as well. Anyway, I hope I've made things crystal clear to you by now.

Moving on.

After we were hit by the recession as a means of cost-cutting the management decided to do away with the HQ. No, they didn't decide to destroy it, just move our company from there to The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now. But they didn't stop there. They also decided to move everyone who were originally in The Building Across The Street to The Building I Work In Right Now as well as The Building Across The Street To The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now to The Building I Work In Right Now. So to recap;
  1. People who were originally in the HQ are now in The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now. 
  2. People who were originally in The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now are now in The Building I Work In Right Now.
  3. People who were originally in The Building Across The Street To The Building Across The Street To The Building I Work In Right Now are now in The Building I Work In Right Now.
Now my story focus on only The Building I Work In Right Now. I hear you breathe a sigh of relief. Anyway because of all this mess now The Building I Work In Right Now has a population that roughly equal to the population of a small island. However it has only one men's room and only one ladies' room per floor each of which has 3 toilets. And that's where the fun begins. Imagine a perfectly normal scenario such as you want to take a dump and you proceed to the men's room. These floors are so crowded that it is very likely that at any given minute all three toilets are occupied. I am in the 8th floor which also happens to be the top floor. If the 8th floor is occupied the next best option is to hold it in or go to the 7th floor. But there's only so much holding a man can do. So I - or any random unfortunate guy in The Building I Work In Right Now - will have not option but to proceed to the 7th floor. However often the case is that all of it's toilets are occupied as well. In which case, 6th floor. Then the fifth. So on and so forth. You get the drift right? This is all nice and easy to say like this, but doing it is not so. Especially when holding is not an option anymore. Imagine going to the men's room in the 8th floor, finding it occupied, leaving it as quick as you can, going to the elevator and press the button to the 7th floor, waiting for it to arrive and getting in, getting out of the elevator on the 7th floor, go to the men's room in the 7th floor, finding it is occupied as well, leaving it even quicker, pressing the elevator button to the 6th floor, getting in, getting out on the 6th floor, entering the men's room, finding that occupied too, exiting that like a tracer bullet, pressing the elevator button to the 5th floor, getting in, getting out again, dash in to the 5th floor men's room, finding that occupied too, disappear from there, pressing elevator button to the 4th floor, getting in the elevator, getting out, entering the men's room in 4th floor only to find that it is occupied as well, run to the elevator, pressing the button to the 3rd floor, waiting...

Damn I got tired of writing that. I think, nay, know you got tired or reading it. Imagine actually doing it! Recession is such a bitch I tell you.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Pointless Post

I've never really liked Zombies. It is hard to imagine anybody would, but that's not what I meant. I never really liked stories about Zombies. Or Vampires for that matter. Crappy Hollywood movies had a lot to do with it apart from the fact that they both are ridiculous ideas to begin with. But that was till I watched The Walking Dead last year; now that changed everything. It is by the creators of Shawshank Redemption which is the only thing that prompted me to watch it after a friend recommending it and ain't I glad that I watched it. Those guys picked the tried, tested and failed theme of Zombies, gave it a whole new dimension, turned it on it's head two and a half times, gave it a face lift and the result is The Walking Dead. Simply the best TV series to come out after LOST. I don't want to go into much details, just take it from me, a huge Zombie skeptic till then, that it's brilliant stuff. They have returned for a second season last week and I am loving it.


On other news cricket this year - that is cricket I play, not the cricket I watch - have been so disappointing. It is almost winter and we managed only two matches so far. The Tokyo earthquake and so many other things have unsettled the life here in Japan and a lot of people have other things than cricket in their minds. Pity.


However after ridiculously poor four days of cricket, us, that is Sri Lanka, finally managed to save the Test. Don't I just love Test cricket; even a non-result can bring excitement like no other. And even after like gazillion let offs it was still a great double by Sanga, probably the greatest Test batsman to come out of Sri Lanka.


And so tomorrow is the big final. The final of the world cup that is. Finally it looks like the Blacks will be able to set the record straight by bringing the cup home. Technically it is already home as the world cup is being played in New Zealand but you know what I mean. It'll take the brave man to bet against them but if the said brave man did bet something like a hundred bucks against them, and the Blacks choked again, then the said brave man would be a millionaire. That is how huge the odds against the French. But for the sake of game I do hope they put on their giant-killing shoes and give us a game to remember.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Clash of the Titans

It's a pity that both Dan Carter and Kurtley Beale - one already a legend of the game and the other certainly has it in him to become one - aren't going to be there for the tomorrow's clash. This was going to be Dan's World Cup, and Beale would certainly have wanted to spoil his party.

Yet, all is not lost for the stakes are sky high for both teams. Blacks would want to set things straight after losing to Wallabies in both previous occasions they met in a World Cup semi final, and the Wallabies would love nothing but to stick it in the Blacks' - and their supporters' - faces for they always cope a lot of shit whenever they tour New Zealand. It is romantic in a way that they should meet in a semi final instead of the final for now the stakes are even bigger; whoever loses has a lot to lose while the winner will - mark my words - go on to win the World Cup.

This is going to be the game of the year.

Monday, October 10, 2011

It wasn't Nadal's day

It's not often you see Rafael Nadal get thrashed. But yesterday, at Japan Open Tennis Championships 2011, it was a real thrashing that he got. Murray came from behind to win the last two sets with 10 out of last 11 games going for him. It summed up Nadal's day when he hit a scooped up ball which he could have put anywhere he wanted right into the net. Sad, for I was rooting for him to win. Still it was a great privilege seeing two wold class players, one a legend of the game, live. Here's some pics.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

මාර පරාජය (Resounding Defeat)

I have a nice bunch of friends. Well, mostly nice but they - at least some of them - can be very nasty too. Let me introduce a few of them - all but one of them are from the same university I was at, and the 'but one' is a foreigner whose house is located halfway up the Mount Everest - to you which is necessary in order to tell you the story I'm about to tell you.

First there is Nee. A rugby fan, cricket tragic and a happily married father of four living in some unheard rural area of Australia. He's your pretty much average decent dude though unremarkable. Then there is Sayya who insists that we call him BS. I assure you BS doesn't stand for what you're thinking of right now. Now, if Nee is your normal dude, BS is at the other end of the spectrum; he's anything but normal. Born and raised in the hill capital of Sri Lanka, this dude at a very young age developed an uncanny ability to score as easily as another friend of mine whom I will introduce to you in a moment can gobble down anything with sugar in it. After a while, not just Kandy but the whole country was not big enough territory for BS so he decided to move on to bigger and better things. The territory I mean. Now under the guise of some unimportant but made to look important job he travels the world as he sees fit and 'scores' without fail wherever he goes. Remarkable dude he is. The man we all wish we were. Then comes A, the CEO of a leading web site in Sri Lanka whose greatest achievements to date remain tricking authorities to admit him to the prestigious university we went to and scoring a try in a game of touch-rugby at the said university. Then there is the 'but one' (there's only one T, you pervs!) mentioned above, let us call her B, who's so good at Sinhala she can fool Sri Lankans into thinking she's Sri Lankan. Last but certainly not least there is Looney. The same WWTCILB I told you about here. Now she's one of a kind. Her extraordinary feats include being the said WWTCILB, sleeping 16 hours a day, freezing shoes before putting them on even in winter and being able to consume - in a day - three times the amount of candy a normal person would in a week. Unfortunately for him Nee was not aware of this last fact until he found out about it the hard way. This is the story of how that happened.

All of us are regulars in G+ and fool around there a lot. Nee, being one of the two unremarkable dudes (the other one being A of course) among an awesome bunch as we are (Oh yeah I didn't tell you why I am awesome, but then again does it really need to be said? You all know I am, right?), wasn't feeling particularly happy about it. The fact that he was in the same side of the fence as A didn't help his confidence either which is quite understandable. Grass on the other side was indeed greener for him. So one fine day he decided enough is enough and that he should join the ranks of us immortals. His intentions were good, but the method he chose was, well, a poor choice. He decided that he would challenge Looney to a cookie eating contest to see who can eat the most in a given time and emerge victoriously on this side of the fence. Yes, cookies aren't candy, but they are somewhat sweet-ish and that's more than enough for Looney. Poor Nee, was the first thought that came to my mind. But this unprecedented sweet-ish-things-consumption of Looney was unknown to BS as well as A, and they were rooting for Nee to win the contest. I knew better and advised Nee to consider another time but he was having none of it. I decided to let him go bang the head in the wall. It was agreed upon that to spice up the contest A would also compete while I, BS and B will be the impartial judges. But B also wanted to participate so it was left for me and BS to organize the whole thing. However at the last minute B dropped out because she had finished all the cookies she had in her house and she was not going to be able to climb down Mount Everest and come back in time. Then we had to kick A out because despite being a CEO he did not want to spend a few bucks on cookies and started demanding judges provide him with them. This is not a place for the cheap so out went A.

Agreed date and time arrived pretty soon and we all gathered in one Hangout in G+ to start the highly anticipated event. Nee was still very confident of his victory and was sledging Looney even before the contest started. That was to be his demise though. We started the contest soon, and Nee was still sledging all the way while Looney was quietly going on about her business. But then, unexpectedly to me at least, Nee was getting ahead of the number of cookies and after the 10 minutes we decided upon he was on 16 cookies to Looney's 12. Looked like that Nee had finally crossed the fence, but unfortunately for him there was one last twist in the tale; the cookies Looney had brought were much heavier and bigger compared to the ones Nee had brought. Our calculations revealed that Looney, staying true to her self, had eaten more than one and a half times what Nee had had. Fate had let the poor fella down once again. There he was beaten and confidence shattered destined to be where A is for the rest of his life. Such is the cruelty of life he must have thought. But as I see it, he has only himself to blame for had he asked me, I would have told him the secret of beating Looney.

He should have opted for a cookie-not-eating contest; she wouldn't have lasted five seconds.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

You'll be remembered, Steve

It is said that Steve Jobs knew what the customers wanted even before they did. There's no greater tribute that can be paid to probably the greatest business visionary of our times.

RIP, Steve.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Three Years

Year 1
WOW it's be an absolutely wonderful year! Blogging is awesome, it's great to get to know you all and blah blah blah.

Year 2
It's been two years! It's a part of my life, and thank you all my readers, etc etc...

Year 3
Three years. Okay. Good.

Year 4?
Who knows.

Oh and thanks for sticking with me, folks!