The Dreaded Friend

Let's call him R. We're like digital friends or something - it's either 1 or 0. When we do get in touch, however far and apart those occasions are, we are great buddies and when we are not in touch, we really lose all the connections. Haven't seen or even heard from the bugger for quite a while now, which I can't decide whether a good thing or a bad thing. Because, despite being such a cool dude and a good friend, he always brings disaster to my life whenever we meet. It's not intentional, but things get weird and more often than not I end up wanting to kill him more or less.

We first met when I was in my O/L classes. I attended a Science tuition class of which I was the only guy among six girls. That was cool - those were the days when you are positive about having a chance with every chick you come across - and having six of them to choose from was considered cool. More time was spent on trying to impress them instead of learning anything, but looking back, making a fool of myself is how I could best describe what I was doing. However the girls were nice enough not to break the harsh truth to me, thus I was basking myself in this assumed glory for a couple of months. Then R joined the tuition class, the bugger entered into my life, and there ended my glory days in the class.

R always dressed carelessly. His usual attire was a rugged denim and a T shirt with Bata slippers. Add a baseball cap and he was all set. Unfortunately that was a time when I was insistent on dressing well, and we couldn't have been more contrasting at the class. Soon it became a competition as to who would impress the girls most, and I tell you these girls like carelessly dressed jerks (yes he was a jerk back then) over well dressed nice guys. My nice guy tactics were of no use and R was winning the battle hands down. Pretty soon he wanted to go for the hottest of the six. Let's call her M. Unfortunately, as much as R was a jerk M was a bitch. Up until then I was giving attention to all of them - no discrimination was my policy - but R changed all that and M started acting like a, well, girl I suppose. And things got really messed up, girls started hating M, R started acting like a jerk even more, and M was having fun and making R look bad insulting him all the time with snide remarks, and I was left to watch all this. Then one day M announced in front of the whole class to R that don't be an asshole and stop chasing her, that she's too good for him, for poor (literally) old R. What she didn't know was R is filthy rich. The next day the bugger drove his dad's Mercedes to the class, M was stunned and made to shut up. Then - this is really sad to say - not many days passed by and M completely changed her attitude and started acting like a kitten in front of him. But R was full of ego too, he gave a good earful to M, M retorted, girls took her side in the end and I took his, all hell broke loose and thus ended my happy days with the six chicks.

Oh well, said I and we moved on, R and I remained friends. Bros before whores and all. After the O/Ls he left to Aussie and sent me a message telling he's got a pet donkey at his place there. I often wondered why a donkey would have another as a pet, but never got to find out as that was the last time I heard from him for a long long time. Several years passed by and one day I got a call from R saying he was in Sri Lanka and lets meet. Meet we did, and sure enough it too was more or less an embarrassing episode. That was the time when I was with my ex . Let's call her N. We used to meet at MC a lot, food court being one of our favorite joints. That day I was to meet with her so I thought why not ask her to come too. I asked both R and N to come there at about 4 in the evening but I got late. Big mistake. When I got there, R was sitting dumbstruck in our favorite table and N was storming away from it. Apparently the bugger had thrown a pickup line or two (I'm sure it must have been pretty lame) at N and she happened to be in a particularly pissed off mood as well. A lot of explaining, apologies and hissyfits later we settled it all, but you get the picture what kind of a friend he is.

Then another couple of years later suddenly R appeared in my doorstep one evening saying he came back to Sri Lanka for a short visit and that he's leaving the next day! However, while cursing him, I jumped in the car and we drove to pick up a friend before ending up in another's place for the evening. With three bottles of Black Label, unfortunately. By midnight the four of us had finished two of the three bottles and were quite high, and I suggested that we call it a day. That was the time I was in the second year of the university and I had a 8 a.m. lecture the next morning. The other two agreed but R was having none of it, and the bugger played the trump card saying Adoh, I came back to see you after many years and leaving tomorrow, you guys can't stay with me for a few more hours? Now that's like your wife saying honey let's go for a dinner when you have a world cup semi final to watch, if you know what I mean. In the end, we had to stay like close to 3 in the morning, the last bottle was finished and we were piss drunk. I don't remember how he drove in that state but he dropped me at home and I hit the bed straightaway. Not wanting to miss the lecture (yes, there was a time that I did attend lectures, you know) I got up the next morning, or the same morning to be precise, and was at the lecture. Just in time. Now, in lectures usually we take the back row but that day - of all days - the bloody lecturer felt like inviting us to the front row and I had to sit in the front row. With a hangover. I have never wished more I didn't drink. Or I didn't know R.

Since then it's been close to five years, and it's about time he made his next reappearance. As much as I miss the bugger, I'm just helplessly awaiting the dreaded day and what it would bring me this time...