Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home

Sunday, April 17, 2011


Timmy : Mum, I just saw a dog on the road and it was as big as a lion!!

Timmy's Mum : TIMMY! Haven't I told you hundreds of millions of times not to over-exaggerate things?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Women, The Two Types

There are two types of women; those who love cricket and those who think cricket is like baseball. Let us call the first type Women Who Love Cricket or WWLC in short henceforth. Similarly the other type would be called Women Who Think Cricket Is Like Baseball, or WWTCILB for our convenience. WWLC are outnumbered by WWTCILB at a ratio of about 1:100,000. This might not seem like very significant so let me throw in some numbers and knock the hard truth into you, and you off the chair. Our good old Paradise Island has a population of 20 million, and let us assume half of them are ladies. So then ten million women and a ratio of 1:100,000 means there are exactly 9,999,900 WWTCILB and 100 WWLC. Now get up from the floor and read on.

None of these 9,999,900 WWTCILB has ever watched a cricket match from start to end. The only times they watch a cricket match even partly are either a) when cricket matches are shown in between their favourite commercials, b) when their ignorant husbands or boyfriends drag them to the grounds or ask them to see cricket by their side in living room or c) when they want to check out James Anderson's arse, after being introduced to his arse by a WWLC or after being introduced to his arse by a WWTCILB who in turn was introduced to his arse by a WWLC, or after being introduced to his arse by a WWTCILB after being introduced to his arse by another WWTCILB who in turn was introduced to his arse by a WWLC and so on. I think you get the drift. If you are a woman, and still don't know who James Anderson is, you are a WWTCILB and might need to contact a WWLC. But I digress. These WWTCILB, just as our chosen name for them suggest, know nothing or very little about cricket. In the case they know very little, most of this little knowledge consist of many other things, such as gossip, but very little cricket. This very little cricket knowledge, however, helps them to deduce if it is a close game and in such a situation they would usually close their eyes with hands and ask their partners to inform them when the game is over, because they can't watch since it is a close game. Doesn't make sense, I know, but such are the mysterious ways of women.

Now let us turn to WWLC. Obviously, they are very hard to come by but in case you happen to come across one, well, pose for a picture with her, ask for the signature and write down even the smallest detail so you wouldn't mess it up when you retell the story to your grand kids. Yes, they are that much rare. Anyway, these women are very strange, but you knew that already. They would choose to watch a game of cricket over Praveena - that was the happening teledrama when I left Sri Lanka some years ago, but chances are it's still going on - or prefer a ticket to a game of cricket over a 24pc box of Ferrero Rocher, or, I know you wouldn't probably believe this but there are some reported cases of WWLC refusing the opportunity to go on a fully paid shopping spree because there happened to be a Test match at that time. Respect, is all I can say.

I've had the good fortune of knowing more than one WWLC, and what's more, I suspect that they are even the extreme cases. One not only talks about cricket 24/7, often she informs me of cricket news, such as the resignation of Sangakkara, before I know the news. Yes. Me. ME! Before I (unfortunately I can not capitalize the letter 'I' to emphasise the significance as I is already capital, so assume it is a bigger I) know the news. How crazy is that. Another WWLC I know visits a cricket forum every day where she is the lone woman, she often argues and even win those arguments, and also she says the first thing she does coming home after work is checking out cricket news on the web. It doesn't get better than that.

Or does it?

There is a WWTCILB I happen to know, and she is the extremist of all WWTCILB hands down. Why, you may ask. Okay, however much cricket noobs WWTCILB are, all of them know some things about cricket like the fact that Sri Lanka won the world cup in 1996. Now I'm not saying this particular WWTCILB doesn't know that, being a Sri Lankan and not knowing we won a cricket world cup would be impossible, but she doesn't know the next thing which you would assume every Sri Lankan would know. Yes, folks, she doesn't know against whom we won the world cup in 1996.

She just takes the cake.

Let us call a Jihad on ICC!

Okay, you don't have to go that far, but there are things that you can in fact do. If you are a cricket fan, you must by now know that our beloved ICC had taken a decision to exclude the associate nations from the 2015 World Cup. I'm amazed at their uncanny ability to fuck up things with every turn and twist, but this is just sad. And retarded. What will a world cup be without Kevin O'Brien or Ryan ten Doeschate? So yeah, let us do what we can do. I saw a LOT of people expressing their opinions on this FB, Twitter and other such social media, so for once let us not stop there but go a step forward. Let us write to ICC and let them know how we feel.

Please, take a moment. It will take a few more minutes than what would take you to put an FB status, so it's well worth it. Here are the things you can do.

Write to ICC at enquiry@icc-cricket.com or threaten them on their Twitter feed @cricketicc.

Or you can contact any, or better yet all, of their sponsors; Pepsi, Hyundai, Castrol, MoneyGram, Reliance and Reebok.

You can also sign this online petition, not very significant but still.

I did all these, but to make an impact we need a lot of people. More the merrier, as they say. YOU writing to them can and will make a difference, so friends, please do spend a few minutes. We all love an underdog, don't we?

Do not let the evil ICC crush the beloved minnows. Instead, let us together kill ICC!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

These Days

So then, enough cricket I guess. At least for the time being. It was one hell of a hectic month for not only players but for ardent fans like yours truly too. Following a cricket world cup for a month and a half is not easy, especially when the games end at 2.30 in the morning and then you have to go to work next day as well. I've been sleep deprived for the last month, but to be honest, I didn't care. Because other than not being able to sleep early, it was an awesome time for a cricket fan. I usually get home from work around 7 in the evening, then I would prepare the meal while watching the match. Okay, mostly, this so called preparing would account for moving whatever I have in the refrigerator to the microwave and then heating it for two minutes, but still. Afterwards I would make some tea, or grab some beer if the next day is a weekend, hop onto my comfy chair and me is good to go. You should be able to put the hard yard as a fan, right?

Moving on, it's my favorite time of the year aka spring. I love spring. It's full of awesomely colorful flowers (okay, that sounded a little girly, but my interest in flowers is more to do with photographing them, not indulging in their sweet smell) but my love for this season is more to do with the weather. It gives you the awesomest (no such word, I know, but it's cool right?) weather imaginable; not too warm, not too cold, and sunny days are pure bliss. Reminds me of Kandy; it was just like that back home most of the time. Besides after the dreadful, cold and gloomy winter any kind of weather is a welcoming change. So yeah, this is my favorite time of the year and it is time to get my camera I guess. Below is a picture I took last spring, a picture of the road in front of my apartment. I hope you get what I mean when I say it is the awesomest season.

Now, moving further on, I come back to cricket. However, this time it is about playing cricket, not watching. If you are familiar around here you know that I've been playing some hardball cricket here, and if you are not, now you do. Usually the cricket starts around April, and now it is about time. No news from the organizer about the exact dates but I am very much looking forward to cricket. I've not got any serious exercise for few months now as my usual evening jog was put on hold by the cruel weather gods. I mean, come on, nobody runs in winter right? Anyway, I hope to get back to that habit, and also cricket soon. Playing cricket is not just about cricket, its about being part of a team, doing what I like, enjoying myself. We are not the best team around but we sure do enjoy our cricket. And seriously I can do with some enjoying after months of hibernating, so to speak.

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words

Sports is a bitch sometimes. Maybe next time, mate.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

This is It!

This is it, this is the moment!

Bring it home, boys. Do us proud!

Friday, April 1, 2011


I just realized that the sentence "Sach and lies are two words that do not go in one sentence" is a contradiction of itself. Not because I'm a liar though I did not have to say it even because I know very well that you know very well that I'm the epitome of honesty, but because the moment you type the said sentence you did in fact put those two words in one sentence.